Bedtime at Modjeska !!!

Going to bed at Modjeska Ranch Rescue does not simulate “going to bed” anywhere else I can imagine, apart from some amalgam of “Animal Farm” and “Alice in Wonderland”. Peaceful it is not, romantic it is not. Remember that, in contrast to many people’s visions of an animal rescue, all the dogs and cats live IN the house that is the rescue. My house….which I share with my wife and daughter…..and usually at least 20 dogs and some cats. I admit that the horses, goats and pigs are outside….thankfully.

So, when going to be, any semblance of logic or comfort for a human is overwhelmed by the needs, desires and pecadillos of the dogs.

On those occasions when we have a lower “inventory” of dogs, and the rare chance presents itself to have maybe only 4 dogs in the bedroom, Teresa will find some pretext to “invite” more dogs from other parts of the house to join us. It’s as if we needs a “quorum” for a meeting. Maybe she just wants enough to keep me far enough away!! An understandable feeling!

The rationale presented for having new dogs in the bedroom ranges from “Well this one is new and I don’t want to hear it crying all night” …to…. “ it’s a Basset and all it will do is bark” to ……..“ It’s cold tonight and it’s warmer up here”. The latter expression of concern is voiced in the context of having the bedroom door open to the patio all night so the dogs can go out, and also, when cold, having the electric heater on next to the open door so we can keep the dogs warm and also go broke paying the electric bill.

One of the other occasional rituals is that Teresa will suddenly decide, halfway through getting ready for bed, that one of the dogs needs it’s ears cleaning. I am not sure of the synapse sequence which causes this timing decision, but if you have ever smelled the liquid which is used to clean a dog’s ears, you will understand why I am not a great supporter of bedtime ear cleaning, especially if one must observe the results of the ear-cleaning which are presented as evidence of why it needed to be done right now!

We have a California King bed. However we really need a World Dictator bed. It’s strange; as soon as Teresa gets in bed, the dogs all want to be on the bed. If I am in the bed on my own, they don’t get on it. Teresa is comfortable in bed with multiple dogs as she sleeps in one position and has no trouble not moving. She is one of seven children and I think this is part of the explanation. I am an only child. I need to MOVE in bed, shuffle, turn over, stretch my legs out, then move them, then fidget and turn again. The dogs do not understand this and like to lie firmly on my feet! I cannot tell you how much I must love Teresa because I HATE anything on my feet, but I tolerate it, most of the time.

On the rare occasions that we go away and stay somewhere nice, we both remark on how nice it is to have a quiet, clean bedroom, with soft bedding, nice smells, and carpet to keep our bare feet warm and cosy. I try to remark that this is how most people live and we could too if we organized our menagerie a little differently, but, as those of you who are married will understand, my argument is met with a reaction which can only be described as impolite disbelief based on the “impossibility” of us ever living with less than 20 dogs in the house.

We have fake wood flooring in the bedroom. It is quite soft and easy to clean but I would not say it was attractive or comforting, and it shows dog hair, of which we accumulate a lot ! I keep threatening to tile the bedroom with something attractive, but the money needed to do that has always already been spent on dogfood, hay, electric bills etc.  

There are three other attractions to our bedroom at Modjeska Ranch. 

Firstly, we always have food down, so the dogs do not fight over food. Well, it seems that settling down to sleep is a signal for at least one dog to decide it’s time for dinner. Trying to sleep with an incessant crunching in my ears is impossible. One dog crunching food in an otherwise silent room is loud!

Secondly, for some reason, dogs like to drink out of the toilet bowl, even when there are ample supplies of water in other more appropriate receptacles. Once again, it seems that, switching off the lights is the time at which at least a couple of dogs will patter loudly across the floor into the bathroom and start lapping and slobbering in the toilet! I have almost got used to that, but the really annoying thing is that, having been properly brought up by my mother to put the toilet seat down, I climb into bed to hear the greyhound banging the seat top up and down as he tries to get his head under the seat into the bowl. Now, of course, this is MY FAULT for leaving the seat down, which is so bred into me that it is an unthinking action…I can’t change that. So, I start to get out of bed to go and put the seat up but sometimes Teresa will say, “No, I’ll get it!” in that tone of voice which implies that I am an idiot!

Thirdly, most of the dogs that end up in the bedroom are getting old. Their ability to release noxious gasses in an appropriately open-air setting is gone, and there are nights when one feels that a police tear gas attack would be easier to survive. I swear it really is the dogs!

I think there should be a Rescue budget for 2 nights at the Ritz Carlton every month just to get a good night’s sleep and a little sanity. Donations should be sent to….